It’s happening again.

One week into the new year and my social media feed is brimming with friends who are announcing their new workout routines. They’re brutal. They sweat puddles. They can’t walk for days after. They feel like garbage when they’re done. And guess what? They are brimming with excitement to go BACK and do it tomorrow.

Well, that’s what they’re saying for now.

One by one, these posts will become less and less frequent until I don’t see them anymore. All of the people who are committing to intense exercise out of a hatred for their own bodies will lose the battle to conquer themselves. The women (oh, they’re mostly women) who are punishing themselves with all-too-common ass-kicking gym routines because they’re calling themselves fat, lazy, and worthless, are going to fail yet again at sticking with their plan. These beautiful, intelligent, well-meaning, thoughtful women are acting out of hate instead of love. And the fitness industry is laughing all the way to the bank. They’re counting on you to feel this way about yourself because they’ve been feeding you this narrative for years.

But there’s a big problem. That initial motivation out of self-loathing doesn’t hold up over time. Eventually you burn out, feel even worse because you couldn’t stick with it, and begin the cycle for next year. These workouts, designed to make you feel tired, don’t make you a better person. To paraphase the strength philosopher Chip Conrad, we’ve got this twisted notion that getting sweaty and feeling tired equals a good workout. But if I asked you to do a hundred burpees as fast as you could, that would make you sweaty and tired too. It’s a terrible workout, but it elicits the same sensations that a good workout might. Unfortunately the logic doesn’t work in reverse. If you hate your workouts and they beat you up every time, you’re missing something. You’re not getting any better and you’re feeding the self-loathing.

Let’s fill in the blanks.

Discover your true purpose

Start with a framework of love and respect for your body. Acknowledge what you’re capable of doing. What are your strengths? What makes you awesome? You’re already a good person, and in the new year, spend some time recognizing what makes you special and worthy. From that mindset, then ask “how can I be more awesome?” MORE. Because you’re already awesome. Do you want to lift more weights? Run a marathon? Learn to better manage that nagging knee injury? Spend more time around other strong women? What is the purpose of your new habit?

You might have trouble with this exercise, and that’s ok. Take your time. Ask yourself “why” a million times. Dig deep. I’ll help: losing 20 pounds is not your why. Why do you want to lose 20 pounds? So you can weigh the same you did in high school? Keep digging. That’s not important to you. Eventually you’ll get there. Once you’ve got a deep and intensely meaningful reason you’re embarking on this fitness journey, you’re ready to begin.

For most of you, “getting better at working out” is probably not your why. But that’s what most of the fitness centers and gyms around you are selling. They’re teaching you how to be good at working out. To me, and probably most of my readers, this is a really noncompelling and uninteresting reason. If that was my only option, I would have quit a long time ago.

I’ll share my why. I want to be strong, and mobile and physically adaptable so that I can freely explore my world because it feeds my soul. I feel a deep connection to nature when I’m exerting myself on a rock face, slogging up a snowy mountain, or balancing on a log across a river. I want to be able to endure the curve-balls that are thrown at me: unexpected barriers, weather and other obstacles. I want to feel capable whether I’ve thoroughly prepared for an outing or a friend just grabs me and we go. That’s what motivates me to keep up with my training and with integrating physical activity into everything I do.

So I’d totally fail at going to a gym.

Where to go from here

The good news is that there are so many other options to consider to help you on your fitness journey. In my city, in addition to the classic gyms and fitness centers, we have

• playgrounds
• a parkour gym
• a rock gym
• an ice skating rink
• dance studios
• hundreds of miles of trails
• a Capoeira community
• parks and fields
• trainers who emphasize basic movement and play
• and stuff I bet I haven’t even discovered yet!

Whether or not you made a New Year’s Resolution, if you’re picking up a new exercise habit right now, I encourage you to lay the groundwork. Spend some time asking yourself the tough questions and weigh out your options. If you love lifting for the sport of lifting, awesome! There are SO MANY places that you’ll fit right into. But if your why is different, if you’re not into getting trashed by someone barking orders at you for an hour, if your workouts leave you depleted instead of energized, it’s time to think differently.

Here’s a short list of facilities and programs that are bucking the trend and building communities based on a love of movement, creativity, play and engagement:

Ben Medder Coaching (London)

Body Tribe (Sacramento, CA)

Boulder Movement Collective (Boulder, CO)

Capoeira Brasil (Los Angeles, CA)

Evolve Move Play (Events worldwide)

JessBFit (Bend, OR)

MovNat (Events and trainers worldwide)

Movement Creative (New York City, NY)

Nutritious Movement (Events and trainers worldwide)

There are so many fabulous organizations and trainers out there, this is not intended to be an exhaustive list. If there’s no one in your neck of the woods who offers classes or training, consider attending a workshop and get inspired! A great coach will welcome a learner of any level, background or ability. If you had a bad experience once, don’t be afraid to try again and reach out to someone new. Or, start a community on your own. Movement is a fundamental human need, and it can be a joyful and meaningful part of your life. If you dread exercise, if you hate your workouts, if you feel like you’ve failed one too many New Year’s resolutions, it’s time for a change.

Have you made the mental transition from punishing yourself with exercise to enjoying movement? If so, please share your story below! We’d love to hear from you.